Being a single mom while my kids were still young was very hard. If I’d meet one guy he would feel I’m only good for a one night stand, and another would feel like he liked me but feel scared to come closer because he did not want the responsibility of children as if I wanted him to be their father. Anyway the scenarios goes on and on with each individual. But I would get very upset, because I was not looking for a ring at that moment, I was not looking for him to assume a father’s responsibility for my children, and I was more than capable of balancing my time, space, and energy with him, myself, and my kids. Hell I didn’t even want anyone I was dating to meet my children unless they were a permanent fixture in my life, so I only wanted a companion. Yes I was a woman with a lot on my plate, but it did not make me unhuman. I still had my needs and wants as a woman. So I could never understand for the life of me why I had so much trouble dating as a single parent.
Well fast-forward years ahead, now that my kids are older and living as young adults. I find myself telling them to be very cautious of whom they are dating. Like I don’t want my sons to spend all their savings and money on a single mom he’s dating that needs help. I don’t want them to get caught-up in caring for a kid in a relationship that may not last. And most of all I don’t want my daughter to receive the jealous acts of a sour baby’s mother. lol.. Sometimes I say to myself I’m such a hypocrite. These woman are who I was when I was young, so I know how they feel and what they are looking for. So why am I so protective of my children? Well maybe because since I was living in the situation, I could not see another’s outlook of my situation. I only seen and knew what I was feeling and going through. Now today being in that situation and coming out of it and now having kids that could possibly go through it. I understand better why some choose not to date women or men with kids and it’s not a bad thing, I get it. For myself I will only date a man with kids, my children’s age or none. I don’t want to deal with past baggage, or jump through hoops to get an understanding with his kids. I don’t want to deal with custody and financial issues he may have. I just don’t and I have that right as well as the guys in my past did.
In closing. I really don’t feel its an issue to date a woman or man with children, especially if they have their ish together. Thing is if you know you are not ready for that type of situation, don’t bother to step into it, despite how much you like the single parent. Don’t do it. Single moms and Dads have different priorities and look at relationships differently than a single man or woman without kids. We are planning for our futures while the single ones want to party and hang. If you can deal and date a person with kids and it is not a deal breaker for you. My advise will be to be as honest and upfront with your intentions as possible and never meet the children until you are ready to take your relationship farther even if the single parent offers. Well until next time..