Happy Mother’s Day from Empress Dialogues!


Enjoy Your Day…💖

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Anyone due for a Vision Board?

So most of us have settled very well into 2016, accomplishing our goals and sticking to our New Year’s resolutions; but if you’re inconsistent like me, you may have slacked off. Now for 2016, I decided not make any new resolutions because I knew my life was moving in a different direction. I ended a relationship, got a promotion at work, bought a new car, and most of all I started to make myself a priority rather than everyone and everything else. So clearly I knew my life was changing. I did plan on setting goals for myself along the way, but somewhere in that process, I felt overwhelmed and found myself in a rut and couldn’t find my way out. I even visited my doctor because I felt so tired and burned out. I never realized that when your mind is tired, it can really make your body very tired and fatigued.

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Anyway; after some soul searching and allowing myself to sit in that rut to identify what was going on with myself, I was able to regroup and get myself together. Which brings me to the subject at hand..VISION BOARD…. I remember some time ago I created a vision board and it really helped me to stay focused on my goals and was a great reminder that there was still work to be done anytime I felt like slacking. So although we are well into 2016, I still decided to create a vision board to have a visual of my long-term goals and to create the baby steps along the way. Therefore, I will be able to finish off the year with a bang and have a clear vision of what I want and need to accomplish in 2017, God willing.

So friends if you’re feeling a little out of place or unclear as to what you want to do with your life. A vision board is an awesome tool to help you realize your goals and make plans for your future. It’s never too late and it’s a fun activity. I’m even thinking of throwing vision board parties..It’s nothing like cupcakes, margaritas, and great friends sharing their vision…

 

Till Next Time,

Empress

Why I decided to let go of a friendship that no longer served me…

I’m a firm believer that God places people in our lives at certain times to fulfill some needs or to get us through some valleys that we may be experiencing at the time. It took a long while for me to understand that everyone that came into my life wasn’t always meant to stay. Especially If I grew to care for them, it being a girlfriend of mine or a love interest or any other person for that matter. It was hard for me to let go when the time was needed, because I didn’t want to realize that their presence was not meant to be permanent. I really don’t like change. I prefer to have a quality group of family and friends to grow old with, but unfortunately life happens and things don’t always go as planned; so let me share a little story about how I came to this conclusion and why……………

I recently decided to end a long friendship. My friend and I we were friends for almost 10 years. We met at our son’s PTA meeting and later found out that not only did we live less than a mile away from each other, but we also worked for the same company, that was crazy lol….Anyway; we instantly became friends. We had so much in common. We both were single moms with 3 children, she had two girls and 1 boy, I had two boys and 1 girl; but her oldest son was my youngest kid age. We were even born in the same month and year 6 days apart. In our conversations, we were able to finish each other’s sentences and thoughts. Hey I was in heaven, here I had someone just like me who knew and could relate to me as a person. We hung out at each-others home all the time, it really was a great friendship. My friend was a beautiful person with a great heart. I loved her like my actual sister.

Here’s the downfall, so the first issue came when one day, her children called saying that their mom was having a breakdown and needed someone. I rushed to her home and she was having a breakdown, being a single parent is so not easy. But after she was able to calm down we spoke about her issues and later those issues caused her to have to move back home with her dad just to be able to re-group. In her absence that kind of put strain on our friendship because I felt that although she was some little ways away, keeping in touch still should not have been hard. But after a year or two, she got everything back together and came back to the city and we started to pick back up where we left off..Then he happened. So she hooked up with a guy from her past, their relationship became instant and although she had just got her situation back together, she left her home she was renting, moved in with him, and before I knew it they were married. This time, she had an issue trying to balance a friendship and a marriage. By no means did I feel I came before her husband or family life, however, I felt that friendships are important relationships as well and need to me nurtured too. But it seemed as I tried to explain this, she felt as if I was jealous of her situation or did not support her, so our relationship instantly came to a halt. We just stopped speaking, I chose to let go.

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Late last year just before Thanksgiving we hooked back up again. Her divorce was becoming final and she was seeming like her old self again. She invited my kids and I over for Thanksgiving it was great. But I soon realized something. Our friendship wasn’t the same. Either I didn’t see her our relationship the same or I no longer seen that genuine and authentic woman I met some years ago. Our conversations were even a challenge. We no longer had anything in common, she was or seemed to be a very materialistic person with great ambition but a lack of discipline. All our conversations were about her and her situations and it seemed as if we talked or communicated on her terms. It got me to thinking of all the ups and downs we have had in our friendship. I start to wonder to myself “what do I do with this friendship now?” She was not the person I met and had a friendship with, we didn’t have anything in common anymore, she gained this all about her attitude, and the wanna be factor was killing me. I did not see how this friendship would serve or uplift her or I. And after pondering over it for some time, it only took the next situation to arise before I let the friendship go for good.  It was just not worth my energy anymore, and you know what, I’m so okay with it. I love her, I miss her, but I can love, honor, and root for her from afar. I don’t’ need her in my everyday life.

I shared that story to express that people truly do come into our lives “For a Reason, A Season, or A Lifetime”. All are not going to stay. Relationships are meant to benefit us in some form or another. Be it a small benefit or large, we all should receive something from our relationships, not emptiness. I realized that although my friend and I had so much in common back then, we are still two different people with two different mindsets and directions in life. God placed her in my life, and me in hers for us to help each other get through the obstacles we were facing at that time and that we did. She was not meant to be a permanent structure in my life and i wasn’t meant to be in hers. She and I have grown and evolved into two very different women that want very different things out of life and it’s okay… I have learned that happiness and mental health are two very important things in life. There is really no need to hold on to things or people that don’t make you happy or benefit you in some kind of way. Understand that change is evident, that includes people we love at times. Sometimes we just have to let go….

 

Thanks for Reading

 

Empress….

When Change is all You have left..

At some point and time in our lives we have all heard the phrase “Change is the hardest thing to do” in some form or another. The truth is that it is one of the most precise phrases ever made.

Have you ever wondered or asked yourself; why is change so hard? or why is it that lots of us avoid changes in our lives at all cost no matter if we know that we want it or that it’s very necessary for our own personal growth.   For myself change has been hard for me because it means its time to deal with myself. I’d have to take a long self-evaluation and face my goods, bads, faults, habits and the list goes on and who wants to do that , no one of course. So in place of facing and dealing with myself, I eat, buy a pet, always take care of others needs, read, change my hairstyles, whatever..whatever keeps me from dealing with myself and helps me to stay in my comfort zone.

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But what happens when the comfort zone no longer works for you? What about when you find yourself  in a constant annoying cycle that forces you to change because, Change becomes that only thing you have left. That’s actually when change is the most uncomfortable, when your forced to do it. Sometimes it’s because you don’t know the first step to take or you may not even know the direction that you want to go in, all you do know is change is needed. Well the first step is action… period;  whether small or large, just starting somewhere will bring you ideas and direction along the way. And nothing in life will change for you if nothings changes. We can have the intention to do better starting on Monday, but start today…”Action always beat intentions” and you will feel so much better that you did and you will also gain a new excitement for life. As for me I’m still a work in progress, but I take small steps to get me to another level and I know in the end, I will be at my full potential as a woman.

Signing Off,

Empress

So he’s your Romeo, But you’re not his Juliet…What’s a girl to Do?

I don’t think there isn’t one woman on this planet that does not dream of having a once in a lifetime astounding love. We all want a lover that will love, honor, cherish, respect, and sweep us off of our feet. To experience that type of love to me is a one in a lifetime opportunity. I was once loved that way by someone but unfortunately at that time I didn’t even love myself so I did not know how to accept his love let alone love him properly in return.

So moving forward a couple of years later, I found a new great guy. I seen so much potential in him. I think I planned our lives in my head within the first month of knowing him (of course not letting him know). So in the beginning, all was well and good, but after some time things started to fall off. If I didn’t send a text to say hi, he would not say anything, if he would respond to my text at all. When we would speak, he never bothered to ask of my well-being. It started to seem as if I was the one he would call when he had nothing else to do. Of course when I would question it, the answer would always be sorry I was busy or had this and that to do. But at my age I definitely know that no matter how busy one is, If they want to see me, they will create time. So I started going through this stage of realizing what this situation really was; but was still making excuses for why this love was not panning out how I imagined. I mean I was like “I’m a beautiful, well-rounded, and exceptional woman so it isn’t me lol”..maybe he just has troubling trusting women..I will just give a little more love..and he will come around. Well that led to my feelings being hurt even more. Not once did I ever stop to think that he just was not into me. I was not the apple in his eye and I needed to move on. It literally took for him to disrespect me before I realized that this guy did not have a lick of care for me.

Why do we women do that? When we care for someone and can clearly see that their feelings aren’t mutual, we wait and wait hoping they will come around, make excuses for what is wrong, or worry about how we can make things better.

How about looking it other possibilities like we just may be to amazing for him where he is to intimidated to love us….But really sometimes it’s not that we all aren’t beautiful and great in our own little ways, however every love interest is just not meant to be. Ever heard “A person will be in your life for a Reason, Season, or a Lifetime” Yep it’s true. So if you find yourself dealing with this type situation. Just let it go…You can’t make anyone love you, they have to want too. Always look at their actions over their words, actions don’t lie. And lastly if they show you they don’t want you, believe them move on, it’s not make-believe. It hurt a little or a lot. They will be on your mind constantly, but try to stay focused on yourself and what you know you deserve. And in time you will be brand new again…

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Hope you enjoyed the post…don’t be shy, feel free to comment..Thanks for reading..

Signing Off,

Empress….

Sheltering Your Children; Why you will pay for it later……

If anyone knows the effects of sheltering your kids, that would be me with both hands raised..lol…I currently have a 18 and 20-year-old living at home still and they don’t seem to want to leave the nest. I am starting to realize my mistakes of sheltering them as children and in some ways still now as young adults. Being a single mother through most of my children’s childhood and remembering the type of childhood I had, having an absentee father and present but absent mother. I would always swear to myself that if I ever had children, that I would be the best mother that I could be to my children. Now I can say that I did put my best foot forward and raised beautiful, great children. However the fashion in which I raised them has had some great effects on their lives.

As mothers and fathers we want to hurt, smash, and crush anything and anyone that touches or upset our babies in any way. We want to protect them from living a hard and troubling life sometimes to the point of speaking for and handling all of their business affairs, or am I the only one. Gee..I have it bad..I open and respond to their mail, fill out school and job applications, if their on the phone with Sprint, I take the phone and talk for them because I feel I don’t want them to be tricked or duped, when the truth is how will they learn not to be if I don’t allow them to experience it in the first pace….

So yes that is the easy but irritating part, your children will depend on you for everything, if you carry on like I do. However There is a bad and hard part. Which are the things I am starting to notice now…

  • Sheltered can’t cope with hard or stressful situations…
  • Once they are out of the shell and began to make friends, they are easily influenced by peers, and began to have repressed desires.
  • Your voice becomes silent until they need something from you
  • When they get out and see how big bad the world is, they will get frightened and not want to leave the nest that you have created.
  • You find yourself trying to tame a wild child and constantly correcting their mistakes, which can be really big mistakes.
  • And most of all “Absolutely No Common Sense” Kids today have none..

That was saying it lightly. I have gone through a lot with my two and I often wonder will they ever be able to stand on their own, God forbid I’m not here tomorrow. They will need to go on without me and at this time I don’t know if they could.  I say all that to say, Our children will become the adults we depend on tomorrow. Yes we want to protect them from harm’s way, but the truth is there is no gain if no growing pains are involved. We have to let them get their knees dirty and work some things out on their own in order to grow…

Thanks for reading….

Empress…

My Top 5 Favorite Summer Hairstyles…..

This first Look is Hot…I love the color and the cut gives pure sexiness….

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I love this next look because it’s fun and playful…If your hair is long and you don’t want to cut your hair and is over boring ponytails, this style would be the next best thing…..

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The next two styles are cute cuts for those that hate hair past their necks,some women just like to feel free….lol

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 And lastly..Braids is always a good summer do…you can leave down, create cute up-do’s and believe it or not, they don’t hold heat...

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Signing Off,

Empress..