I’m a firm believer that God places people in our lives at certain times to fulfill some needs or to get us through some valleys that we may be experiencing at the time. It took a long while for me to understand that everyone that came into my life wasn’t always meant to stay. Especially If I grew to care for them, it being a girlfriend of mine or a love interest or any other person for that matter. It was hard for me to let go when the time was needed, because I didn’t want to realize that their presence was not meant to be permanent. I really don’t like change. I prefer to have a quality group of family and friends to grow old with, but unfortunately life happens and things don’t always go as planned; so let me share a little story about how I came to this conclusion and why……………
I recently decided to end a long friendship. My friend and I we were friends for almost 10 years. We met at our son’s PTA meeting and later found out that not only did we live less than a mile away from each other, but we also worked for the same company, that was crazy lol….Anyway; we instantly became friends. We had so much in common. We both were single moms with 3 children, she had two girls and 1 boy, I had two boys and 1 girl; but her oldest son was my youngest kid age. We were even born in the same month and year 6 days apart. In our conversations, we were able to finish each other’s sentences and thoughts. Hey I was in heaven, here I had someone just like me who knew and could relate to me as a person. We hung out at each-others home all the time, it really was a great friendship. My friend was a beautiful person with a great heart. I loved her like my actual sister.
Here’s the downfall, so the first issue came when one day, her children called saying that their mom was having a breakdown and needed someone. I rushed to her home and she was having a breakdown, being a single parent is so not easy. But after she was able to calm down we spoke about her issues and later those issues caused her to have to move back home with her dad just to be able to re-group. In her absence that kind of put strain on our friendship because I felt that although she was some little ways away, keeping in touch still should not have been hard. But after a year or two, she got everything back together and came back to the city and we started to pick back up where we left off..Then he happened. So she hooked up with a guy from her past, their relationship became instant and although she had just got her situation back together, she left her home she was renting, moved in with him, and before I knew it they were married. This time, she had an issue trying to balance a friendship and a marriage. By no means did I feel I came before her husband or family life, however, I felt that friendships are important relationships as well and need to me nurtured too. But it seemed as I tried to explain this, she felt as if I was jealous of her situation or did not support her, so our relationship instantly came to a halt. We just stopped speaking, I chose to let go.
Late last year just before Thanksgiving we hooked back up again. Her divorce was becoming final and she was seeming like her old self again. She invited my kids and I over for Thanksgiving it was great. But I soon realized something. Our friendship wasn’t the same. Either I didn’t see her our relationship the same or I no longer seen that genuine and authentic woman I met some years ago. Our conversations were even a challenge. We no longer had anything in common, she was or seemed to be a very materialistic person with great ambition but a lack of discipline. All our conversations were about her and her situations and it seemed as if we talked or communicated on her terms. It got me to thinking of all the ups and downs we have had in our friendship. I start to wonder to myself “what do I do with this friendship now?” She was not the person I met and had a friendship with, we didn’t have anything in common anymore, she gained this all about her attitude, and the wanna be factor was killing me. I did not see how this friendship would serve or uplift her or I. And after pondering over it for some time, it only took the next situation to arise before I let the friendship go for good. It was just not worth my energy anymore, and you know what, I’m so okay with it. I love her, I miss her, but I can love, honor, and root for her from afar. I don’t’ need her in my everyday life.
I shared that story to express that people truly do come into our lives “For a Reason, A Season, or A Lifetime”. All are not going to stay. Relationships are meant to benefit us in some form or another. Be it a small benefit or large, we all should receive something from our relationships, not emptiness. I realized that although my friend and I had so much in common back then, we are still two different people with two different mindsets and directions in life. God placed her in my life, and me in hers for us to help each other get through the obstacles we were facing at that time and that we did. She was not meant to be a permanent structure in my life and i wasn’t meant to be in hers. She and I have grown and evolved into two very different women that want very different things out of life and it’s okay… I have learned that happiness and mental health are two very important things in life. There is really no need to hold on to things or people that don’t make you happy or benefit you in some kind of way. Understand that change is evident, that includes people we love at times. Sometimes we just have to let go….
Thanks for Reading