When Change is all You have left..

At some point and time in our lives we have all heard the phrase “Change is the hardest thing to do” in some form or another. The truth is that it is one of the most precise phrases ever made.

Have you ever wondered or asked yourself; why is change so hard? or why is it that lots of us avoid changes in our lives at all cost no matter if we know that we want it or that it’s very necessary for our own personal growth.   For myself change has been hard for me because it means its time to deal with myself. I’d have to take a long self-evaluation and face my goods, bads, faults, habits and the list goes on and who wants to do that , no one of course. So in place of facing and dealing with myself, I eat, buy a pet, always take care of others needs, read, change my hairstyles, whatever..whatever keeps me from dealing with myself and helps me to stay in my comfort zone.

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But what happens when the comfort zone no longer works for you? What about when you find yourself  in a constant annoying cycle that forces you to change because, Change becomes that only thing you have left. That’s actually when change is the most uncomfortable, when your forced to do it. Sometimes it’s because you don’t know the first step to take or you may not even know the direction that you want to go in, all you do know is change is needed. Well the first step is action… period;  whether small or large, just starting somewhere will bring you ideas and direction along the way. And nothing in life will change for you if nothings changes. We can have the intention to do better starting on Monday, but start today…”Action always beat intentions” and you will feel so much better that you did and you will also gain a new excitement for life. As for me I’m still a work in progress, but I take small steps to get me to another level and I know in the end, I will be at my full potential as a woman.

Signing Off,

Empress

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So he’s your Romeo, But you’re not his Juliet…What’s a girl to Do?

I don’t think there isn’t one woman on this planet that does not dream of having a once in a lifetime astounding love. We all want a lover that will love, honor, cherish, respect, and sweep us off of our feet. To experience that type of love to me is a one in a lifetime opportunity. I was once loved that way by someone but unfortunately at that time I didn’t even love myself so I did not know how to accept his love let alone love him properly in return.

So moving forward a couple of years later, I found a new great guy. I seen so much potential in him. I think I planned our lives in my head within the first month of knowing him (of course not letting him know). So in the beginning, all was well and good, but after some time things started to fall off. If I didn’t send a text to say hi, he would not say anything, if he would respond to my text at all. When we would speak, he never bothered to ask of my well-being. It started to seem as if I was the one he would call when he had nothing else to do. Of course when I would question it, the answer would always be sorry I was busy or had this and that to do. But at my age I definitely know that no matter how busy one is, If they want to see me, they will create time. So I started going through this stage of realizing what this situation really was; but was still making excuses for why this love was not panning out how I imagined. I mean I was like “I’m a beautiful, well-rounded, and exceptional woman so it isn’t me lol”..maybe he just has troubling trusting women..I will just give a little more love..and he will come around. Well that led to my feelings being hurt even more. Not once did I ever stop to think that he just was not into me. I was not the apple in his eye and I needed to move on. It literally took for him to disrespect me before I realized that this guy did not have a lick of care for me.

Why do we women do that? When we care for someone and can clearly see that their feelings aren’t mutual, we wait and wait hoping they will come around, make excuses for what is wrong, or worry about how we can make things better.

How about looking it other possibilities like we just may be to amazing for him where he is to intimidated to love us….But really sometimes it’s not that we all aren’t beautiful and great in our own little ways, however every love interest is just not meant to be. Ever heard “A person will be in your life for a Reason, Season, or a Lifetime” Yep it’s true. So if you find yourself dealing with this type situation. Just let it go…You can’t make anyone love you, they have to want too. Always look at their actions over their words, actions don’t lie. And lastly if they show you they don’t want you, believe them move on, it’s not make-believe. It hurt a little or a lot. They will be on your mind constantly, but try to stay focused on yourself and what you know you deserve. And in time you will be brand new again…

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Hope you enjoyed the post…don’t be shy, feel free to comment..Thanks for reading..

Signing Off,

Empress….

Sheltering Your Children; Why you will pay for it later……

If anyone knows the effects of sheltering your kids, that would be me with both hands raised..lol…I currently have a 18 and 20-year-old living at home still and they don’t seem to want to leave the nest. I am starting to realize my mistakes of sheltering them as children and in some ways still now as young adults. Being a single mother through most of my children’s childhood and remembering the type of childhood I had, having an absentee father and present but absent mother. I would always swear to myself that if I ever had children, that I would be the best mother that I could be to my children. Now I can say that I did put my best foot forward and raised beautiful, great children. However the fashion in which I raised them has had some great effects on their lives.

As mothers and fathers we want to hurt, smash, and crush anything and anyone that touches or upset our babies in any way. We want to protect them from living a hard and troubling life sometimes to the point of speaking for and handling all of their business affairs, or am I the only one. Gee..I have it bad..I open and respond to their mail, fill out school and job applications, if their on the phone with Sprint, I take the phone and talk for them because I feel I don’t want them to be tricked or duped, when the truth is how will they learn not to be if I don’t allow them to experience it in the first pace….

So yes that is the easy but irritating part, your children will depend on you for everything, if you carry on like I do. However There is a bad and hard part. Which are the things I am starting to notice now…

  • Sheltered can’t cope with hard or stressful situations…
  • Once they are out of the shell and began to make friends, they are easily influenced by peers, and began to have repressed desires.
  • Your voice becomes silent until they need something from you
  • When they get out and see how big bad the world is, they will get frightened and not want to leave the nest that you have created.
  • You find yourself trying to tame a wild child and constantly correcting their mistakes, which can be really big mistakes.
  • And most of all “Absolutely No Common Sense” Kids today have none..

That was saying it lightly. I have gone through a lot with my two and I often wonder will they ever be able to stand on their own, God forbid I’m not here tomorrow. They will need to go on without me and at this time I don’t know if they could.  I say all that to say, Our children will become the adults we depend on tomorrow. Yes we want to protect them from harm’s way, but the truth is there is no gain if no growing pains are involved. We have to let them get their knees dirty and work some things out on their own in order to grow…

Thanks for reading….

Empress…

My Top 5 Favorite Summer Hairstyles…..

This first Look is Hot…I love the color and the cut gives pure sexiness….

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I love this next look because it’s fun and playful…If your hair is long and you don’t want to cut your hair and is over boring ponytails, this style would be the next best thing…..

PUBLISHED by catsmob.com

The next two styles are cute cuts for those that hate hair past their necks,some women just like to feel free….lol

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 And lastly..Braids is always a good summer do…you can leave down, create cute up-do’s and believe it or not, they don’t hold heat...

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Signing Off,

Empress..

Perfectionist vs Procrastinator! Does one lead to the other?

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The definition of being a perfectionist is refusing to accept anything short of perfection. And the definition of being a procrastinator is a person delaying or putting things off. So how are they connected?

Well I can honestly say that I feel the two are very much connected. I have always been a perfectionist, but I never looked as myself as a procrastinator. However, once I reached my mid 20’s the procrastination bug bit me. To this day I still have not been able recall  what could have happened in my life to make me become a procrastinator. But I can say that it did affect me and my life in lots of ways.

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So when I say I feel the two are very much connected, I say that because, I can have an idea or vision in my head for a while but instead putting that vision into action, I will continue to  delay what I wanted to do because the feeling of inadequacy kicks in or I feel that every little detail needs to be hammered out before I act on my vision. The crazy part is the longer I delay that idea because i want it to be perfect, the less motivated I feel to complete it which leads to me not completing my task or reasoning with myself in why I need to wait. Which also led to many missed opportunities.

It’s said that being a perfectionist is over-committing one’s self to a task while a procrastinator under-commits themselves to a task; which explains why me being a perfectionist and worrying about every insignificant detail eventually made me a procrastinator because I would constantly delay my task due to me feeling it had to be perfect.

The effects of Perfectionism/Procrastination can cause:

  • Obsessive Thinking
  • Sense of Inadequacy
  • Missed Opportunities
  • Fear
  • And sometimes a sense of life passing you by.

Fight Perfectionism/Procrastination by: 

  • Breaking the task down, work on it a little at a time to avoid feeling overwhelmed.
  • Removing distractions
  • Stop being a perfectionist. Understand that you can always go back and perfect the project.
  • Most of all “Just Do It” Over Thinking Kills the Process.

To this day both being a perfectionist and a procrastinator is something that I struggle with but with continued growth and understanding my lack. I will improve.

Signing Off.

Empress

Mentally Tired? And you wonder why…

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Have you ever found yourself just doing to much? whether it’s moving from one relationship to another, from one job to another or simply always being on the go.  Then you awake one day just feeling tired mentally, physically, and emotionally. I can honestly say that  I am the poster child of most that I listed above. And it took for me to get well into my 30’s to understand that its okay to just be still. I had to get that it was ok not to get to know every person that I met. I did not have to give my energy to every situation that occurred in my life or in the people around me lives. I had to learn that once I was complete within myself and  had a relationship with God where I’d be able to allow him to lead my life, no matter where I ended up in my life  physically or financially I’ll still be content and grateful, but able to always shine and grow within my own light. I did not need the reassurance of man. I only needed it from God.

I feel as people we are people-pleasers. We feel we always have to please, agree, and have the approval of the next man in the schools we choose, the homes we buy, cars we drive, the clothes we wear, and the list goes on. We feel we have to be at every party or get together, we have to be in the click even when we don’t feel connected. Well I’m here to say, we don’t. Its okay to say no. Its okay to walk our own way and to do exactly what we like. We don’t have to belong. We don’t have to be accepted. Those needing to be accepted are weak and confused people that are empty. They need to belong to make sense of their being. Not realizing that the person, job, or click that they are  longing to be apart of more than likely don’t share the same want.  So they send themselves into a world of hurt, depression, and anger. Because they expected the love, acceptance, and reassurance of man in return.

When we find ourselves in any situation or relationship that start to take us off of our mark or weigh us down, sometimes we have to be able to take a step back. Separate ourselves from the person or situation. Look at it with an open mind. See what is wrong with the picture, even what we are doing wrong. Assess whether it needs to be removed from our lives or see if its  something that can be done to change the dynamic of the situation or relationship on our end because remember we can only control our own feelings, reactions, and thoughts, not another person or situation. But the most important step is to be still and listen to God and our hearts. The two will never steer us wrong, no matter the path.

When I learned to be still and sit in my situations instead or running, turning a blind eye, or pleasing another and paid attention to what God planned for my life. I was able to live in peace. I no longer felt mentally exhausted, or like throwing in the towel. I got out of the rat race and created my own path where I did not have to compete, be accepted, or reassured of who I am. We should never lose the understanding that we are all here for a purpose. Our journey in life should be to learn what purpose we are here for, get on our jobs, and live as best as we can. The world will never change, it will only get more complicated. So love God, Love Yourself, your family and friends. Laugh if you want, Love with no expectations, travel if you can. Just live. No person or situation is worthy of interrupting your happiness. Please don’t allow it..

Signing Off,

Empress…

“Dating someone with Kids” Deal Breaker or Nah?

Being a single mom while my kids were still young was very hard. If I’d meet one guy he would feel I’m only good for a one night stand, and another would feel like he liked me but feel scared to come closer because he did not want the responsibility of children as if I wanted him to be their father. Anyway the scenarios goes on and on with each individual. But I would get very upset, because I was not looking for a ring at that moment, I was not looking for him to assume a father’s responsibility for my children, and I was more than capable of balancing my time, space, and energy with him, myself, and my kids. Hell I didn’t even want anyone I was dating to meet my children unless they were a permanent fixture in my life, so I only wanted a companion. Yes I was a woman with a lot on my plate, but it did not make me unhuman. I still had my needs and wants as a woman. So I could never understand for the life of me why I had so much trouble dating as a single parent.

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Well fast-forward years ahead, now that my kids are older and living as young adults. I find myself telling them to be very cautious of whom they are dating. Like I don’t want my sons to spend all their savings and money on a single mom he’s dating that needs help. I don’t want them to get caught-up in caring for a kid in a relationship that may not last. And most of all I don’t want my daughter to receive the jealous acts of a sour baby’s mother. lol.. Sometimes I say to myself I’m such a hypocrite. These woman are who I was when I was young, so I know how they feel and what they are looking for. So why am I so protective of my children? Well maybe because since I was living in the situation, I could not see another’s outlook of my situation. I only seen and knew what I was feeling and going through. Now today being in that situation and coming out of it and now having kids that could possibly go through it. I understand better why some choose not to date women or men with kids and it’s not a bad thing, I get it. For myself I will only date a man with kids, my children’s age or none. I don’t want to deal with past baggage, or jump through hoops to get an understanding with his kids. I don’t want to deal with custody and financial issues he may have. I just don’t and I have that right as well as the guys in my past did.

In closing. I really don’t feel its an issue to date a woman or man with children, especially if they have their ish together. Thing is if you know you are not ready for that type of situation, don’t bother to step into it, despite how much you like the single parent. Don’t do it. Single moms and Dads have different priorities and look at relationships differently than a single man or woman without kids. We are planning for our futures while the single ones want to party and hang. If you can deal and date a person with kids and it is not a deal breaker for you. My advise will be to be as honest and upfront with your intentions as possible and never meet the children until you are ready to take your relationship farther even if the single parent offers. Well until next time..

Signing Off,

Empress