Looking for Change…….

Hey friends, hope all is well with everyone. I know it has been quite some time since I have posted a blog, I have even lost quite a few followers due to my inconsistency. The truth is friends, I really don’t know what I want to do with this blog site. I go back and forward on if I want to create new and different content and revamp the blog, or if I want to let it go all together and focus on some of my other goals. And the reasoning for that is life is really changing for me right now, mostly in good ways, but of course with the good, always comes the bad. Not bad in harsh ways but bad as in having to accept and make changes in certain parts of my life and in my relationships. So bad as in growing pains I guess I could say.

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Just a couple of months ago, I woke up one morning and realized I was nearing 40 years old and I was not happy at all. Yes I have the things that I need in life and some that  I want, but I still wanted and still want different. I want to experience real and genuine happiness, freedom, love, and joy. Not the forced kind, or the kind where you convince yourself that you are happy to put up a front for others and especially social media or even to make your loved ones feel more comfortable. So wanting to experience this type of reality moving forward meant making some big changes in my life in all areas be it my relationships, career, education, health, and most importantly my mental health. The biggest challenge so far has been creating boundaries within my relationships because when I started to change, some people around me weren’t ready for me to change, that’s partly because I have always been the type of person that takes care of everything and everyone but myself. Truth be told I looked to fix everyone else and everything else, because I did not want to deal with myself.  I didn’t know where to begin. I did not know who I was, what I really wanted in life, and definitely what my purpose was in this life. So day by day and little by little I started to take a deep look at my life and what I wanted for it. I had to admit some hard truths within myself and accept some things in my life that I absolutely could not change, that started me om my freedom path. I am one who is very cautious and protective, in other words, I like control, lol…but then I realized I had to let go, and let God. I also had to learn to trust the process of letting go. Freeing myself from an over-thinking mind and from the stress it created, I have been able to feel happier and have more genuine experiences. Friends it’s all about getting out of your own way and taking responsibility for your own life, experiences, and happiness. The rest will take care of itself honestly, we just have to open up and let it happen. I am very near turning 40, but with the positive steps I have taken and is still working on, I am confident  that I will be stepping into the big 40 gracefully and happy….Till next time..

Empress….

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Me versus Me!

I’m sure we have all have heard the term “Get out of your own Way”. Well, I know that term all too well.  I feel a lot of my challenges and struggles in life is due to me standing in my own way. Whether it’s in love, growing spiritually, my career, furthering my education, or personal goals I want to pursue.  I find that I can be my best cheerleader but also my own downfall.

Comparing; That’s one of my first mistakes I constantly make. I look at all of my friends and co-workers and what they have going on in life and feel I’m not up to par, not realizing most of the things I see them doing, I actually don’t care to do; or If I did, I could if I just get up and be more active in my life. And really most of them are posting the greatest moments of their lives on social media instead of actually enjoying those moments as I would. I have to come to realize that everyone and everything has its own divine time and moments for things to change, grow, or evolve and I need not worry about things that are not in my control. All is in God’s timing.

Holding onto my past; Maybe I should have started with that. That’s my single most downfall, not letting go, it’s sometimes a challenge to be hopeful as to what’s coming or what will be. Being a very young mom and having to raise kids, learn, and mature all at the same time put me in a certain mind state and that was only being focused on my children as I was all they had. Now that all three of my children are over 18 and taking care of themselves; I still have the mindset that I can’t live life yet because I have three children to take of lol. God help me…I’m changing though. I actually see it every day. I’m starting to become more independent. I’m so used to thinking about everyone except me, that I don’t know how to act that I only have me to worry about. So these days I’m wanting to get a puppy, see something else to take care of instead of me. Why? Why do I avoid me? I like me..lol

Overthinking. Eek, eek, eek. Why must my mind run the way it does? I am a thinker, dreamer and over analyzer. The over-thinking has made me sabotage so many good things in my life, some I have even lost. Over-thinking makes me take everything so personal or trying to dig deep for everything instead of trusting what’s on the surface. Some things are what they are. Again I have to focus on the controllable’s and leave in God’s hands what’s not.

Luckily with age comes wisdom and growth. I can say now I know completely who I am and what I want and need in my life. I also realize the things I need to do to live my life happily and that’s by getting out of my own way, trusting in God’s path and purpose for my life, following my heart, and just being the best me possible each day I open my eyes.

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Signing off,

Empress…….

When Change is all You have left..

At some point and time in our lives we have all heard the phrase “Change is the hardest thing to do” in some form or another. The truth is that it is one of the most precise phrases ever made.

Have you ever wondered or asked yourself; why is change so hard? or why is it that lots of us avoid changes in our lives at all cost no matter if we know that we want it or that it’s very necessary for our own personal growth.   For myself change has been hard for me because it means its time to deal with myself. I’d have to take a long self-evaluation and face my goods, bads, faults, habits and the list goes on and who wants to do that , no one of course. So in place of facing and dealing with myself, I eat, buy a pet, always take care of others needs, read, change my hairstyles, whatever..whatever keeps me from dealing with myself and helps me to stay in my comfort zone.

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But what happens when the comfort zone no longer works for you? What about when you find yourself  in a constant annoying cycle that forces you to change because, Change becomes that only thing you have left. That’s actually when change is the most uncomfortable, when your forced to do it. Sometimes it’s because you don’t know the first step to take or you may not even know the direction that you want to go in, all you do know is change is needed. Well the first step is action… period;  whether small or large, just starting somewhere will bring you ideas and direction along the way. And nothing in life will change for you if nothings changes. We can have the intention to do better starting on Monday, but start today…”Action always beat intentions” and you will feel so much better that you did and you will also gain a new excitement for life. As for me I’m still a work in progress, but I take small steps to get me to another level and I know in the end, I will be at my full potential as a woman.

Signing Off,

Empress

My Top Ten Resolutions for 2014!!!

My Top Ten Resolutions for 2014!!!

1. Stay Consistent
2. Complete projects I start.
3. Try new things, be more adventurous.
4. Be more active in the community, Volunteer…
5. Pray More, Worry Less..
6. Get rid of the potty mouth..
7. Cut some of my social media time, enjoy life more..
8. Cut the expensive cable bill, I don’t even watch TV..
9. Complete last year’s resolutions..lol
10. Oh, and Stop making New Year’s Resolution’s list…

May Allah bless all of you to be happy in 2014, cover you, and keep you safe…

Happy New Year Friends

Signing Off,

Empress