Looking for Change…….

Hey friends, hope all is well with everyone. I know it has been quite some time since I have posted a blog, I have even lost quite a few followers due to my inconsistency. The truth is friends, I really don’t know what I want to do with this blog site. I go back and forward on if I want to create new and different content and revamp the blog, or if I want to let it go all together and focus on some of my other goals. And the reasoning for that is life is really changing for me right now, mostly in good ways, but of course with the good, always comes the bad. Not bad in harsh ways but bad as in having to accept and make changes in certain parts of my life and in my relationships. So bad as in growing pains I guess I could say.

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Just a couple of months ago, I woke up one morning and realized I was nearing 40 years old and I was not happy at all. Yes I have the things that I need in life and some that  I want, but I still wanted and still want different. I want to experience real and genuine happiness, freedom, love, and joy. Not the forced kind, or the kind where you convince yourself that you are happy to put up a front for others and especially social media or even to make your loved ones feel more comfortable. So wanting to experience this type of reality moving forward meant making some big changes in my life in all areas be it my relationships, career, education, health, and most importantly my mental health. The biggest challenge so far has been creating boundaries within my relationships because when I started to change, some people around me weren’t ready for me to change, that’s partly because I have always been the type of person that takes care of everything and everyone but myself. Truth be told I looked to fix everyone else and everything else, because I did not want to deal with myself.  I didn’t know where to begin. I did not know who I was, what I really wanted in life, and definitely what my purpose was in this life. So day by day and little by little I started to take a deep look at my life and what I wanted for it. I had to admit some hard truths within myself and accept some things in my life that I absolutely could not change, that started me om my freedom path. I am one who is very cautious and protective, in other words, I like control, lol…but then I realized I had to let go, and let God. I also had to learn to trust the process of letting go. Freeing myself from an over-thinking mind and from the stress it created, I have been able to feel happier and have more genuine experiences. Friends it’s all about getting out of your own way and taking responsibility for your own life, experiences, and happiness. The rest will take care of itself honestly, we just have to open up and let it happen. I am very near turning 40, but with the positive steps I have taken and is still working on, I am confident  that I will be stepping into the big 40 gracefully and happy….Till next time..

Empress….

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Feeling Frustrared and Overwhelmed? You may need a Life Detox!

No matter what path you are on in life today, at some point; we all feel tired mentally. We feel frustrated and overwhelmed. We feel stuck like we are obligated to everyone and everything and forget to feed our own souls and hearts in the process. When life gets to that point, a Life Detox . If not; everything we are feeling inside comes to the forefront. Meaning; if our minds are cluttered,  it shows up in the way we keep our homes and ourselves sometimes.  If we are feeling sad and confused inside, nothing gets accomplished or we don’t put our best foot forward in anything that we do. Our relationships start to suffer and we become angry and resentful. I was all of those things once. I’ve always given people and situations my best but was upset when the same treatment was not returned to me. That became a cycle for a long time for me. I became anti-social, not as generous to people, and most of all that anger and resentment started growing. Until one day I decided I had to choose to be happy and figure exactly what I needed to do to get there and since life is ever-changing I’m still on that journey of finding my happy place today.

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When I say a Life Detox is needed, I mean we need to unplug from life for a moment, gather ourselves and our minds, and figure out what it is we need to do to fix our situations, whatever they may be. I created a list of things I often do to try to keep myself from repeating those old cycles.  I hope you will be able to get something from this list that can help you. Thanks for reading ……

  1. Unplug from Social Media

Taking a couple of days from Social Media a few times a month is highly encouraged. With all the negative videos post or people and friends posting the best moments of their lives, leaving you feeling like your life falls short. Don’t do that to yourself, know that no one life is perfect, even with all the money in the world.

2. Rid yourself of Toxic People and Situations

If anyone or anything in your life is not contributing to your happiness, feeding your soul, or making you want to do and be better. GET RID of IT or THEM…We have enough stress in life and where it is going, we don’t need to add toxic people and situations. Love yourself enough to when it’s time to walk away. Know that you come first and if you are not watching out for you, who will. Even if it is a family member, forgive them, separate yourself, and love them from afar. You matter…

3. Take a Stay-cation just for you

If possible, take a vacation day from work when you feel you are getting tired mentally. Take a day or two just for yourself to relax or regroup. Not running errands or taking care of the family. But to take care of yourself. Do something you enjoy, something that makes you smile, big or small.

4. Definitely Be Still

When I say be still I mean. Quiet always helps to calm the mind. Things like reading a good book. Not on a tablet or device, but an actual book. Writing helps if you don’t feel you have anyone to talk to. A journal helps in healing.  Or meditating or praying as well. Prayer and meditation are like a reset button. You feel renewed afterward.

5. Exercise

Exercise works wonders. It lifts your spirit. Energize your body and mind, and makes you feel good about yourself. Yoga, or simply stretching. It all helps. Again you are taking care of you.

6. Revisit your Finances. Plan & Budget

We all want whatever our little hearts desire and that is fine, but if your finances disagree. You may need to redo your budget. I plan everything from Bills, Trips, Grooming, Outings, even when I will treat myself to a movie or a new stick of mascara. Feeling overwhelmed about money is the worst. It’s very stressful, scary, and confusing. But if you plan your moves before you make them, you will be fine. Create a budget for yourself and your family and stick to it. Make sure you are preparing for unexpected losses. And last but really first, live within your means.

That’s it …Thanks again for reading! Remember to hit the Follow Button….

Some Roads are meant to be Traveled Alone

So we all know the phrase “You Can’t go through Life Alone” and in a lot of ways that phrase sits very true, but also for some situations it’s not. I think at this point in my life I’m starting to find out the hard way and it’s not easy to deal with.

Anyway, last year I remarried someone that I had been dating on and off for about 2 years and before the year was over I was divorced again. Yes divorced. As I have explained in previous blog posts, I felt a little alone since my kids had found their own lives and are adults now. I was looking for love and life again and finding myself. I guess that road got kind of scary for me. The thought of getting older and being alone and not having a life partner was not what I wanted for my life so when my ex-husband asked me to marry him. I quickly accepted him, knowing he was not what I wanted in a husband, but somehow, I thought I could still create a happy life with him. When in reality I was looking for happiness in him. Which was not right. And it’s funny he would always tell me that but I never wanted to see it. Well once he won the worst husband of the year award and showed me who he really was I decided to end the marriage. After that marriage ended I felt like such a failure and did not want to talk to anyone and tell them that the man I just married, I have now divorced. So, I kept it to myself; well that became torturous and forced me to really sit down and have a long look at myself and ask myself some tough questions that I didn’t want to answer. And the answer was the journey to finding my own happiness is no one’s but my own and I can’t expect to lean on anyone along the way or ill become dependent and never find it. It meant that my happiness journey was meant to be traveled alone. Who wants that? But I had to realize it is very necessary and you know what it’s not half bad. I still have my days where I get a little dependent on friends and family but for the most part, I’m doing great. I’m actually starting to like being alone and having moments of solitude and a bit antisocial.

Through this process, I have learned to wear my big girl drawers and walk alone and be happy doing it. I’m rediscovering my hobbies and even my career path. I’m learning to love and enjoy me more whether it includes someone or not. So, as you can see life is far from easy, we all definitely need a friend or shoulder to cry on at times, but again some paths are simply meant to be traveled alone.

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Thanks for Reading,

Empress…….

 

Me versus Me!

I’m sure we have all have heard the term “Get out of your own Way”. Well, I know that term all too well.  I feel a lot of my challenges and struggles in life is due to me standing in my own way. Whether it’s in love, growing spiritually, my career, furthering my education, or personal goals I want to pursue.  I find that I can be my best cheerleader but also my own downfall.

Comparing; That’s one of my first mistakes I constantly make. I look at all of my friends and co-workers and what they have going on in life and feel I’m not up to par, not realizing most of the things I see them doing, I actually don’t care to do; or If I did, I could if I just get up and be more active in my life. And really most of them are posting the greatest moments of their lives on social media instead of actually enjoying those moments as I would. I have to come to realize that everyone and everything has its own divine time and moments for things to change, grow, or evolve and I need not worry about things that are not in my control. All is in God’s timing.

Holding onto my past; Maybe I should have started with that. That’s my single most downfall, not letting go, it’s sometimes a challenge to be hopeful as to what’s coming or what will be. Being a very young mom and having to raise kids, learn, and mature all at the same time put me in a certain mind state and that was only being focused on my children as I was all they had. Now that all three of my children are over 18 and taking care of themselves; I still have the mindset that I can’t live life yet because I have three children to take of lol. God help me…I’m changing though. I actually see it every day. I’m starting to become more independent. I’m so used to thinking about everyone except me, that I don’t know how to act that I only have me to worry about. So these days I’m wanting to get a puppy, see something else to take care of instead of me. Why? Why do I avoid me? I like me..lol

Overthinking. Eek, eek, eek. Why must my mind run the way it does? I am a thinker, dreamer and over analyzer. The over-thinking has made me sabotage so many good things in my life, some I have even lost. Over-thinking makes me take everything so personal or trying to dig deep for everything instead of trusting what’s on the surface. Some things are what they are. Again I have to focus on the controllable’s and leave in God’s hands what’s not.

Luckily with age comes wisdom and growth. I can say now I know completely who I am and what I want and need in my life. I also realize the things I need to do to live my life happily and that’s by getting out of my own way, trusting in God’s path and purpose for my life, following my heart, and just being the best me possible each day I open my eyes.

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Signing off,

Empress…….

So he’s your Romeo, But you’re not his Juliet…What’s a girl to Do?

I don’t think there isn’t one woman on this planet that does not dream of having a once in a lifetime astounding love. We all want a lover that will love, honor, cherish, respect, and sweep us off of our feet. To experience that type of love to me is a one in a lifetime opportunity. I was once loved that way by someone but unfortunately at that time I didn’t even love myself so I did not know how to accept his love let alone love him properly in return.

So moving forward a couple of years later, I found a new great guy. I seen so much potential in him. I think I planned our lives in my head within the first month of knowing him (of course not letting him know). So in the beginning, all was well and good, but after some time things started to fall off. If I didn’t send a text to say hi, he would not say anything, if he would respond to my text at all. When we would speak, he never bothered to ask of my well-being. It started to seem as if I was the one he would call when he had nothing else to do. Of course when I would question it, the answer would always be sorry I was busy or had this and that to do. But at my age I definitely know that no matter how busy one is, If they want to see me, they will create time. So I started going through this stage of realizing what this situation really was; but was still making excuses for why this love was not panning out how I imagined. I mean I was like “I’m a beautiful, well-rounded, and exceptional woman so it isn’t me lol”..maybe he just has troubling trusting women..I will just give a little more love..and he will come around. Well that led to my feelings being hurt even more. Not once did I ever stop to think that he just was not into me. I was not the apple in his eye and I needed to move on. It literally took for him to disrespect me before I realized that this guy did not have a lick of care for me.

Why do we women do that? When we care for someone and can clearly see that their feelings aren’t mutual, we wait and wait hoping they will come around, make excuses for what is wrong, or worry about how we can make things better.

How about looking it other possibilities like we just may be to amazing for him where he is to intimidated to love us….But really sometimes it’s not that we all aren’t beautiful and great in our own little ways, however every love interest is just not meant to be. Ever heard “A person will be in your life for a Reason, Season, or a Lifetime” Yep it’s true. So if you find yourself dealing with this type situation. Just let it go…You can’t make anyone love you, they have to want too. Always look at their actions over their words, actions don’t lie. And lastly if they show you they don’t want you, believe them move on, it’s not make-believe. It hurt a little or a lot. They will be on your mind constantly, but try to stay focused on yourself and what you know you deserve. And in time you will be brand new again…

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Hope you enjoyed the post…don’t be shy, feel free to comment..Thanks for reading..

Signing Off,

Empress….

Balancing a Busy Schedule….

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Good Morning Friends,

        I know it’s been a minute since I’ve posted anything; life has had me very busy. I’m currently struggling with trying to balance work, school, home, family, friends, spiritual, and most of all me time. I really have to get a balance because most days I’m eating sorry microwavable foods, which is not helping with my weight loss, or I find myself laying in bed dreading getting up to start my day, or feeling like I’m losing out on life by being so busy and that’s just a few of my  concerns.  This morning I felt was my breaking point, I did not want another energy drink, I wanted sleep, however I still didn’t sleep I’m up typing my blog right now, because I feel I’m neglecting what I love doing and that is blogging. So in the mist of my misery, I googled, “balancing time with a busy schedule” , a few articles came up, but one in particular stood out and I’d like to share it with you in case you are dealing with the same dilemma as I am…Hope this helps…I’m sure it will help me, I’m praying so anyway….

This Blog was writing by Andrew J. Krischner @ BlogSpot.com

Signing off…Empress

 

 

 5 Steps to Balance a Busy Schedule
 
Understand that balance is not necessarily having as much free time as possible so that we do not have to work.  It is also not the idea of spending an equal amount of time in each part of our lives.  Balance is when we are able to spend time on what is necessary to be happy (ie spend time with family, go to the beach, etc.) while at the same time making time for what is necessary to survive (ie earn money for food, pay bills, etc.).  If we are balanced we will spend our time in such a way where we do not feel deprived of either happiness or our basic survival needs.
 
1.  Set aside and “Hour of Power” each week.          
 
   Simply set aside an hour each week that you will work on planning your schedule.  During that time you will figure out exactly how everything will fit together.  This will prevent you from double booking and forgetting important events.
 
2.  Have a written schedule that is accessible.          
 
   Write your schedule in a planner, on your computer, a wall calendar, or a sheet of paper.  The important thing is that you keep it in a place that allows you to see it regularly.  Ideally, you would want to look at it no less than twice a day.   This will give you permission to say “NO” or “YES” as new tasks spring up on you because you will already have a schedule.
 
3.  Decide your “Big Rocks” What are the top 10 things that must get done this week? 
 
Decide them and put those in your schedule first, BEFORE you put anything else.  Realize this may require you to allow yourself to schedule less important things for another time or another week.  Often what frustrates us most about how we spend our time is not that we didn’t get EVERYTHING done, but that we didn’t get to the few things we REALLY WANTED to accomplish.  Putting the most important tasks first allows you to make what you really want for happiness and need for survival a priority.
 
4.  Spend time emotionally walking through your schedule.
 
  You will find that if you have an emotional attachment to the schedule, you are less likely to blow it off.  Look at each day and then close your eyes and picture how you will feel as you are getting these done.  Really get into how it will feel to get everything done and what each individual event will be like.
 
5.  Have Goals
           
It helps to make a schedule if you are looking to work beyond just this week.  Now the weekly schedule has the purpose of getting us closer to our monthly or yearly goals.  Have professional, spiritual, family, and financial goals.  Find ways to measure these goals so you can break them down into bench marks.  At your hour of power each week ask, “What can I put into my schedule this week that will bring me closer to reaching this goal.”