Looking for Change…….

Hey friends, hope all is well with everyone. I know it has been quite some time since I have posted a blog, I have even lost quite a few followers due to my inconsistency. The truth is friends, I really don’t know what I want to do with this blog site. I go back and forward on if I want to create new and different content and revamp the blog, or if I want to let it go all together and focus on some of my other goals. And the reasoning for that is life is really changing for me right now, mostly in good ways, but of course with the good, always comes the bad. Not bad in harsh ways but bad as in having to accept and make changes in certain parts of my life and in my relationships. So bad as in growing pains I guess I could say.

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Just a couple of months ago, I woke up one morning and realized I was nearing 40 years old and I was not happy at all. Yes I have the things that I need in life and some that  I want, but I still wanted and still want different. I want to experience real and genuine happiness, freedom, love, and joy. Not the forced kind, or the kind where you convince yourself that you are happy to put up a front for others and especially social media or even to make your loved ones feel more comfortable. So wanting to experience this type of reality moving forward meant making some big changes in my life in all areas be it my relationships, career, education, health, and most importantly my mental health. The biggest challenge so far has been creating boundaries within my relationships because when I started to change, some people around me weren’t ready for me to change, that’s partly because I have always been the type of person that takes care of everything and everyone but myself. Truth be told I looked to fix everyone else and everything else, because I did not want to deal with myself.  I didn’t know where to begin. I did not know who I was, what I really wanted in life, and definitely what my purpose was in this life. So day by day and little by little I started to take a deep look at my life and what I wanted for it. I had to admit some hard truths within myself and accept some things in my life that I absolutely could not change, that started me om my freedom path. I am one who is very cautious and protective, in other words, I like control, lol…but then I realized I had to let go, and let God. I also had to learn to trust the process of letting go. Freeing myself from an over-thinking mind and from the stress it created, I have been able to feel happier and have more genuine experiences. Friends it’s all about getting out of your own way and taking responsibility for your own life, experiences, and happiness. The rest will take care of itself honestly, we just have to open up and let it happen. I am very near turning 40, but with the positive steps I have taken and is still working on, I am confident  that I will be stepping into the big 40 gracefully and happy….Till next time..

Empress….

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Feeling Frustrared and Overwhelmed? You may need a Life Detox!

No matter what path you are on in life today, at some point; we all feel tired mentally. We feel frustrated and overwhelmed. We feel stuck like we are obligated to everyone and everything and forget to feed our own souls and hearts in the process. When life gets to that point, a Life Detox . If not; everything we are feeling inside comes to the forefront. Meaning; if our minds are cluttered,  it shows up in the way we keep our homes and ourselves sometimes.  If we are feeling sad and confused inside, nothing gets accomplished or we don’t put our best foot forward in anything that we do. Our relationships start to suffer and we become angry and resentful. I was all of those things once. I’ve always given people and situations my best but was upset when the same treatment was not returned to me. That became a cycle for a long time for me. I became anti-social, not as generous to people, and most of all that anger and resentment started growing. Until one day I decided I had to choose to be happy and figure exactly what I needed to do to get there and since life is ever-changing I’m still on that journey of finding my happy place today.

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When I say a Life Detox is needed, I mean we need to unplug from life for a moment, gather ourselves and our minds, and figure out what it is we need to do to fix our situations, whatever they may be. I created a list of things I often do to try to keep myself from repeating those old cycles.  I hope you will be able to get something from this list that can help you. Thanks for reading ……

  1. Unplug from Social Media

Taking a couple of days from Social Media a few times a month is highly encouraged. With all the negative videos post or people and friends posting the best moments of their lives, leaving you feeling like your life falls short. Don’t do that to yourself, know that no one life is perfect, even with all the money in the world.

2. Rid yourself of Toxic People and Situations

If anyone or anything in your life is not contributing to your happiness, feeding your soul, or making you want to do and be better. GET RID of IT or THEM…We have enough stress in life and where it is going, we don’t need to add toxic people and situations. Love yourself enough to when it’s time to walk away. Know that you come first and if you are not watching out for you, who will. Even if it is a family member, forgive them, separate yourself, and love them from afar. You matter…

3. Take a Stay-cation just for you

If possible, take a vacation day from work when you feel you are getting tired mentally. Take a day or two just for yourself to relax or regroup. Not running errands or taking care of the family. But to take care of yourself. Do something you enjoy, something that makes you smile, big or small.

4. Definitely Be Still

When I say be still I mean. Quiet always helps to calm the mind. Things like reading a good book. Not on a tablet or device, but an actual book. Writing helps if you don’t feel you have anyone to talk to. A journal helps in healing.  Or meditating or praying as well. Prayer and meditation are like a reset button. You feel renewed afterward.

5. Exercise

Exercise works wonders. It lifts your spirit. Energize your body and mind, and makes you feel good about yourself. Yoga, or simply stretching. It all helps. Again you are taking care of you.

6. Revisit your Finances. Plan & Budget

We all want whatever our little hearts desire and that is fine, but if your finances disagree. You may need to redo your budget. I plan everything from Bills, Trips, Grooming, Outings, even when I will treat myself to a movie or a new stick of mascara. Feeling overwhelmed about money is the worst. It’s very stressful, scary, and confusing. But if you plan your moves before you make them, you will be fine. Create a budget for yourself and your family and stick to it. Make sure you are preparing for unexpected losses. And last but really first, live within your means.

That’s it …Thanks again for reading! Remember to hit the Follow Button….

Some Roads are meant to be Traveled Alone

So we all know the phrase “You Can’t go through Life Alone” and in a lot of ways that phrase sits very true, but also for some situations it’s not. I think at this point in my life I’m starting to find out the hard way and it’s not easy to deal with.

Anyway, last year I remarried someone that I had been dating on and off for about 2 years and before the year was over I was divorced again. Yes divorced. As I have explained in previous blog posts, I felt a little alone since my kids had found their own lives and are adults now. I was looking for love and life again and finding myself. I guess that road got kind of scary for me. The thought of getting older and being alone and not having a life partner was not what I wanted for my life so when my ex-husband asked me to marry him. I quickly accepted him, knowing he was not what I wanted in a husband, but somehow, I thought I could still create a happy life with him. When in reality I was looking for happiness in him. Which was not right. And it’s funny he would always tell me that but I never wanted to see it. Well once he won the worst husband of the year award and showed me who he really was I decided to end the marriage. After that marriage ended I felt like such a failure and did not want to talk to anyone and tell them that the man I just married, I have now divorced. So, I kept it to myself; well that became torturous and forced me to really sit down and have a long look at myself and ask myself some tough questions that I didn’t want to answer. And the answer was the journey to finding my own happiness is no one’s but my own and I can’t expect to lean on anyone along the way or ill become dependent and never find it. It meant that my happiness journey was meant to be traveled alone. Who wants that? But I had to realize it is very necessary and you know what it’s not half bad. I still have my days where I get a little dependent on friends and family but for the most part, I’m doing great. I’m actually starting to like being alone and having moments of solitude and a bit antisocial.

Through this process, I have learned to wear my big girl drawers and walk alone and be happy doing it. I’m rediscovering my hobbies and even my career path. I’m learning to love and enjoy me more whether it includes someone or not. So, as you can see life is far from easy, we all definitely need a friend or shoulder to cry on at times, but again some paths are simply meant to be traveled alone.

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Thanks for Reading,

Empress…….

 

“Get to know Him, before He gets to know Your body”

Ladies it’s no secret that relationships and courting really sucks these days. Lots of men don’t feel that they have to put forward any effort in getting to know us anymore. Most of our relationships are built upon lust and benefits. We allow ourselves to continue to be used for what we feel are our prized possessions, which are our bodies or assets. All to fulfill the needs of another and wonder why in the end we still feel empty, lonely, and confused. Not realizing or wanting to deal with the fact that we need more than what today’s dating and relationship trends have to offer.

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It’s absolutely nothing wrong with telling a man when you meet them that you want more. Yes, all relationships should go through a friendship/building process, but let it be just that. That process is when we should be showing him or beauty and all of the things that we have to offer, and not our booties. And if he can’t wait, he isn’t a good candidate for us.  Because once we allow him to or we set that precedent we are stuck and things will not change. I know. I have made that mistake more than once and as a single woman today, I have to continue to be mindful of that and not put aside my needs and wants to make a man happy, because I know in the end, I’m only going to be left with my mouth wide open and wondering why my expectations were not met.

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I say all that to say. “Get to know him before you allow them to know your body, benefits, or assets”. We all know that we have something else to offer besides our bodies and assets. But the only way he will be able to see that is by you not giving him your prized possessions too soon. I mean who wants useless lust and sex? Let him know that he has to work to earn what you have to give and share. Show him that you love yourself more so that he will have no choice but to find out what’s in the box before be take the goodies. I mean really ladies, if we set higher standards for ourselves and not accept what some man wants to give, we would really see a change in our dating lives and relationships because a man will only love, respect, and treat us as good as we love, respect, and treat ourselves. And we all know that self-love is the root of love itself. We can’t love or be loved if we don’t have self-love established first. I want to leave you with this quote for if a man doesn’t have a genuine interest in you;

” You don’t get to have Me, Not my Body, and sure as hell Not my Heart, were done” ~ Brooke Davis

Signing Off,

Empress